Unbounded Love

Christ loved, went the distance (in the fullest sense of the phrase possible), regardless of reciprocation. Crap... I guess that means we're called to the same level of sacrificial love. We're screwed...

What does that look like? I, personally, I am hesitant to make any sort of gesture if I feel it won't be reciprocated, especially when the risks and associated emotions are high. But if I am to imitate Christ, I am required to go out on a limb in sacrificial love, even for those I hate. Love my enemies, even when I know they will still hate me. No reservations. I have a hard enough time loving my friends like that, let alone those that irk me.

What I need to do is to keep sacrifice, unbounded love, in the forefront of my mind. Embrace the concept that I am only a peripheral character in somebody else's story. This is my calling. Not on my own strength. Heck no. I suck at this. Denying self and loving others is only something I can do with a divine intervention.

A Change

Finals are right around the corner. The school year is drawing to a close. Life moves on... And I'm ready for a change of scenery. I don't know what it is, but I'm just ready for something different. Germany won't come at a better time. Three weeks away from most of the people I know best.

Don't get me wrong, I love those people a ton. But for some reason, I'm just in this state of mind where even the smallest idiosyncrasies get on my nerves for no reason at all. And I'm hoping that a change of pace will help me to adjust, whatever that looks like.

Last year, at about the same time, I went to Mexico, and it was one of the most formative experiences of my life. It shook up my thinking quite a bit. But I also became cynical about... well, about a lot of stuff. That cynicism faded in and out, but after the wear and tear of the year, it has come back in full force. And I'm hoping Germany will reverse that effect to some extent; I want Germany to be another formative experience.

I guess what I'm saying is that I need a change. A change before I come back to weddings, work, and [insert alliterating "w" word here]. And I just hope Germany will do that. My only worry is the effects of such a change. I have this (seemingly unfounded) worry that I'll come back a person my friends don't fully recognize. And I'm not sure if I'd be okay with that. Oh well, we'll just have to see.

P.S. If you want to get a look at the way my 15-year-old mind worked, or are simply looking for some cheap amusement, check this out: http://georgian-von-strangleheimer.xanga.com/

I Just Want a Brain

There's such a rift in college between the different realms of education. The Math majors scoff at the Philosophy majors, saying "You don't know anything." The Philosophy majors chuckle and reply, "You can't know anything."

Seriously, though, there's such a disconnect between thinking concretely and thinking abstractly in college that it's difficult to get a well-rounded education, if that's what you're looking for. It's always business majors vs. humanities majors. Math majors vs. linguistics majors. Not necessarily that there is tension, conflict, or animosity between the two, but I feel that different majors and departments have a sense of superiority over the others.

But that drives me nuts, because I have an obsession with balance. Not only that, but I sincerely enjoy both ends of the spectrum. I want to read literature and dig into philosophy, while at the same time computing depreciation and learning business strategies. But I feel that I can't have the kind of balance I want.

I want math, and I want art. I want to reach in both directions and pluck knowledge from both trees. But it seems that they're planted so far apart, that I can't get one without the other. I can only have one cake. And I don't like that.

And my preoccupation with balance extends out of the realm of education, too. In personality tests, I don't enjoy being on either of the poles--I want something in the middle (in the Enneagram, I'm either a 5 or a 2). I recently took a test that determined whether you make decisions intuitively or logically, and I got the same score for both.

In arguments, I generally end up in the middle. "Why can't it be both?" I ask. At the very least, I want objectivity. Take the Rob Bell controversy. When I talk to and regard those jumping to condemn him (though even they aren't sure what that means), I tend to say, "Slow down, now. Don't be so quick to jump on him. Think it through." But when I talk to people that instantly side with Rob Bell, I say, "You slow down, too. Don't align yourself so quickly. Watch that bias of yours and look at the facts."

Even in video games, it rears its ugly head. To choose between fast and strong, or between long-range and short-range is always a problem. I want both.

All that to say I want balance. I want both. I don't like the idea of being either left-brained or right-brained. I just want a brain.