The Unwritten Heresy

Okay, so it's not that bad. But sometimes, it seems like it is. Confused? I would be. Interested? Probably not. Going to read anyway? Eh, you've got nothing better to do. (That's a lie.)

"You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image.... You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.... You shall not murder. You shall find for yourself  a spouse as soon as humanly possible." Wait, what? Where'd I read that, again? Once again, it's really not as big a deal as I'm making it, but it gets under my skin sometimes (which is why I make it a big deal). People seem to be in such a hurry to get married, or "unsingle-ized," to use Link's vocabulary. Particularly in the church.

It's one of the things that's emphasized often in our churches (or at least the churches I've been to)--that marriage is the ideal, and anything before that is just a temporary state, a cocoon following adolescence and preceding married life. "You can't be a butterfly unless you're married" is what I hear (non-verbally, of course). You hear all this "When you get married..." or "When you have kids..." or my personal favorite: "When you get married, Lord-willing...." I get kind of sick of it. Like it's a bad thing to be single or something.

Thus we have singles' groups, eHarmony, blahbity-blah. Not that I'm trashing marriage, of course. It's a wonderful and sacred thing, I'm sure. I just hate getting these vibes that say, "Uh-oh, these people are single. Let's fix them." Luckily, I'm only 20 right now, so I can avoid being pitied for my unfortunate circumstances. But a few years down the road, and the story will be different. Then it will be, "How can we help you get married? Because, as you know, marriage is a prerequisite to a fulfilling and complete life." Stop feeling bad for singles. Because unless they're looking and longing for a partner, you're just being annoying. And there are few things worse than being "set up." Your intentions are nice and all, but think of the message it sends. "You're obviously not happy right now, or at least not as happy as you could be. You can't find love on your own (you'd be in a relationship now if you could) and I know you well enough to choose for you, so I'm just going to partner you with this one here. Now get along, get married, and get 'having children.' No thanks needed."

That's the unwritten heresy I'm talking about. If you're not married, you're outside the will of God. Nobody would say that, of course, but it's subconscious. In the church, (Am I repeating myself? I guess rants are like that.) marriage is idealized so much that people seem to tune Paul out. "It's better to be single" goes in one ear and out the other. Someone I who spoke at Cornerstone once (Christopher Yuan) put it well. "People are always saying, 'Okay, you can live the single life, but make sure you're called to it.' I would say that you should be even more sure that you're being called to be married." Thanks, Chris. I'll be a heretic with you.

This is the part where I realize I've gone overboard and reel things back in, making apologies and whatnot. But you know what? Screw it. I deserve to be cynical once in a while. I can indulge in an unorganized rant from time to time if I want to. So I'll remain a heretic for a little while longer, until the inevitable comes to pass and I'm turned from my evil ways.