This is going to sound very narcissistic, but have you ever sensed destiny?
What I mean is, have you ever gotten the feeling that your life was meant for something big? We all have a destiny; God has a plan for all of us. But does it ever seem that your life is going to make a difference on a large scale?
Like I said, it sounds narcissistic, but I often get that type of feeling. I don't know what it means or if it's true. Maybe I just have delusions of grandeur. But I feel, deep down, that I'm going to make a difference, even though I have no idea how. I have a gut feeling that in the near future, America is going to change drastically, and the way American Christians live will change with it. So maybe that's it. I don't know, it's just weird.
It's just that my life so far has been so freaking perfect. basically everything just lines up for me. It doesn't mean I don't work hard. But everything works out, almost too easily. Every job I've had has fallen in my lap. I ended up living at Cornerstone when I thought I would commute. And other things like that just seem way too coincidental.
Someone I respect once told me that I will have say no to a lot of things, that people will follow me. She told me that she would follow me. And that sunk in. Maybe that has inflated my ego's idea of the future a bit. But it didn't help.
I think when I started feeling this started when I almost died. To make a long story short (although the long story is pretty cool/funny, depending on how I tell it), I had an allergic reaction to a hornet sting and went into anaphylactic shock. If I had arrived at the med center ten minutes later, I probably would have made frog noises. But ever since that instance, I have thought about death differently. First, I view death in a better light. Death is just a door, and for a Christian that's good news; it's the finish line. I'm fine whether I have vital signs or not. But second, I figure that if I'm still alive, God must have a reason for it, whatever that is.
Everyone wants to feel important. Everyone wants to feel special. Maybe that's what this is. Maybe my ego has a Messiah complex and thinks I'm going to save the world. Maybe my feeling is right. But maybe it's not. Maybe I'll just be an average guy who makes an average impact on the world and lives around him. Either way, that's okay. I'm just excited to see what God has for me in the future.
Is it weird that I'm excited for your future, too? I totally understand that feeling, too, and I know it's not narcissistic at all--it's more of the "some have greatness thrust upon them" type of thing, though in a way that sounds pretty narcissistic, too...but you get what I mean. I'm still awed by that comment (compliment!) from that person you respect--such an honor. I'll follow you, too. She and I will make Team Jordan and totally take down Edward and Jacob.
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