The Last 10%

If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "opaque."

By "opaque," I mean non-transparent, although some of its other uses might apply. I'm not a very transparent person. I may be vocal about my opinions and ideas for the most part, but when it comes to how I feel, not much escapes my filter.

I visited Frontline Community Church for the first time today. (I have an idea I'll visit again.) Before the sermon, there was a short clip about wearing masks for various reasons, utilizing the iPad in a clever if unoriginal manner. I was relevant because the pastor spoke about lying, and specifically why we lie. He said that sociologists have determined that we lie for basically one reason: to avoid pain. The pastor preceded to list the various forms of pain that we try to avoid by lying.

Pain of consequences, pain of embarrassment, and pain of two words that are currently blank spaces on that handy little handout. (See what I did there?) But what really hit me was the end, when he mentioned "the last 10%." He described it as being the little bit of truth about your life that you leave out. The last bit to make 100%. Then he asked three questions. "To whom are you telling the last 10%? When? Who are you letting tell you about their last 10%?" And that was when I realized: I have no answer for the first two questions. There is nobody with whom I share this, for various psychological and irrational reasons. I just don't. And that's a problem.

So where to go from here? I'm not sure. But I know that I at least need to become translucent, if not transparent.